healthy relationships

Healthy Relationships

This is probably one of those posts that I may need to go back and add to as I reminisce on the lessons of having healthy relationships.  If you find this post helpful or meaningful let me know in your comments. I KNOW I’m not the only one that had to learn things the hard way. I can honestly say that I’m still learning how to cultivate relationships and it hasn’t been easy but the journey has been worth it.

Over the years, I carried ideas of relationships into my adulthood based on what was expected of me, examples in my household, in the community and on TV. Our experiences are greatly based upon our exposure to these things. Often times you can learn good things and naturally learn or accept ideas because you assumed you had no choice. Then as we get older you learn and adopt new ideas of what a relationship should look like.

If you are not able to identify and foster healthy relationships you will find yourself on a daunting unhealthy street. I’m just attempting to be real about my own challenges with recognizing and maintaining healthy relationships I hope you will find something you can use.

When I say healthy I mean a relationship that doesn’t pull you down but lifts you up. You should not be in anyone’s relationship if you feel it’s one-sided or draining.  Ask yourself, are you benefiting from this relationship?  Do you always feel bad when you are around this person?

If you answered yes, you probably should set some serious boundaries or get rid of those unhealthy relationships altogether. I can easily say this because I have a history of tolerating crap. I spent a lot of time worrying about how I came across to others that I never considered how that was making me feel! Trust me, I definitely don’t have it all figured but I’m making an effort to show others how I want to be treated.

I feel there are a few relationships that will be able to make or break you as a child and as an adult. These include the relationships you have with your family, friends, your significant other and yourself. I can write on and on but we all have someone in our life (friend, family member, boss or significant other) that we can benefit getting away from.  I am not asking you to never speak to these people again. There are some we can let go of but others like our family members, we have to learn how to love them from a distance or unfortunately let them go as well.

Healthy Relationships With Family

Maintaining healthy relationships with family members can often be challenging and confusing because we didn’t pick them. This makes it hard to make a tough decision when it’s family. Most of us are raised to take our family’s feelings with high regard but what about our own feelings? What if they did something horrible to you?

I think it’s personally insensitive when family members attempt to guilt others into speaking to another member of the family. It’s insensitive because they are not considering the damage that was done to you. If you allow your family to do what they want you open the opportunity for anyone to do the same. Many believe being in the family gives them a free pass to take advantage and create contention.

There is such a thing as loving someone but not allowing them to steal your happiness with guilt and negativity. So whether you decide to cut them off or feed them love from a distance just know that it’s ok and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. This is coming from experience and hearing it on both ends. When you start accepting less than what you deserve you will get exactly that and that includes family members too. Let us be real-some family members can be a trip!

Healthy Relationships With The People We Love Romantically

As a young child and into our adolescent years, I’m pretty sure we have all had our first relationship or first love that we thought was going to last forever – do you even remember their name? As we matured, most of us realized those first relationships were “puppy love”. Fast forward to the present, some of us may be in romantic relationships that we thought were the real thing but unfortunately are not.

Take your time and pay attention to the signs and red flags. Trust your instinct. Importantly, when a person constantly shows you who they are please believe them. Often times we like to ignore the negative things for various reasons until it’s too late. No one is perfect but I wish I had listened to my own advice.

I went through a lot of unnecessary challenges because I ignored or accepted things about a person that just didn’t sit well with me. In due time you will not be able to recognize what is healthy and unhealthy. My idea of a healthy relationship is a union of love and acceptance; a relationship that challenges you to be a better version of yourself.

Healthy Relationships With Friends

Friends come and go. Please don’t think because you’ve known someone for 15 years it means that you have to continue being their friend in order to keep that vintage feel. It’s true, people do grow apart and that is ok.  Sometimes we have friends that don’t listen, don’t support us, but expect the world from you. Then you have other friends that become upset when you do something different.

Why do folks expect you to stay the same?  My idea of a healthy friendship is cultivating new ones that align with the person I’m trying to be today. I’m sure we all heard the quote, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with” -Jim Rohn. I have this sense of urgency since turning 30 for the 8th time and I just couldn’t imagine doing the same thing and not wanting more. If your friends can’t accept that then find ones that support your growth.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you to lose the friends that don’t share your dreams. However, you should make connections with individuals who share your dreams or are where you want to be. This will help motivate you to reach your next level.

Once you’re motivated and begin living out your goals, you will start to move closer or further from others. This may seem startling at first, but it is a natural progression. Trust me, it’s happening for a reason. As we grow, we may outgrow friends that we’ve known for quite some time. Consider that you’ll flourish more with healthy friendships.

Healthy Relationship With Your Self

Importantly, having the most loving and healthiest relationship with yourself is the ultimate goal. If you’re not able to love yourself it is going to be hard to love others. So, take the time out to consider self-care to the highest level.  Take time out to do the things you love to do-activities that make you happy.

However, don’t forget to take care of your mind, body, and spirit. This goes beyond the clothes shopping, buying that new gadget or getting a massage.  This means loving and accepting yourself for who you are and being able to always do what is right for you first before others.

Are you struggling to maintain healthy relationships with yourself, friends, family members or significant others? What’s your idea of a healthy relationship? I would love to hear your thoughts.